Well, yesterday I was able to re-write the prologue of the second book in my Never Heroes fantasy adventure series in the first person. It defiantly flows much better and helps the personality of the lead character come through, something that was sorely missing from the third person narration. It also lengthened the chapter a decent amount, by about 1500 words.
I’m going to do some more writing today, and will have some new digital weapon renders up tomorrow for one of the world building articles, so I thought it would be fun to show off some writing samples. So far we have about 42 pages.
Here are a few segments from the prologue. It’s inspired by the opening of Temple of Doom, taking place in an extravagant night club. It’s told from the point of view of Celice Arietta, a lifelong hardened warrior going undercover as a nightclub dancer to get information out of a shady politician.
Let me start this damn thing by saying there are few things I hate more than dresses. Even before I joined the Paladin’s Guard and finally got in a good proper suit of armor, I hated dresses. Thank the gods I worked in a butcher shop and never had to wear the stupid things. Those things are as tight as a noose around the neck.
I shouldn’t say that though. At least a noose is comfortable before the drop to the end of the rope.
The curtains went up and it was time for me to go. I went out onto the stage into the massive circle ball room of the capital building. This festival was always held when all five of the moons were full, so the dress sparkled with the red of the torch fire and the blue of the night sky coming in from the massive glass ceiling. The flashy nature of the rag thankfully made it harder for the people to tell I was about to go into a dry heave. By the gods, this made me sick.
The rest of the ballroom didn’t look much better. It was on a white marble floor with polished redwood tables, with white stone pillars lining the walls that lead up to the stage. The stage was made out of polished black smokey quartz that acted like a giant mirror for anyone dancing on it. Servants walked around serving drinks to all the wealthy lords and fat jackasses who never knew an honest days work in their life. I had a few servant jobs here as a kid, and they always cared more about the suit than you.
These next bits are from chapter 1, told from the point of view of Zhyx, or ‘Red’ to his companions. In this chapter, he’s alone and bored out of his mind in his lair when Celice and the elven wizard Sparks come to warn him.
I was about to take myself up on that offer when I heard a noise emanating from the tunnel that lead into my hoard chamber. A pair of footsteps that were all too familiar.
One was lightweight, maybe one hundred and fifty pounds, going from side to sole rather than toe heel to toe. The other was a softly padded step from an elf, and the feet seemed to drag out of protest of going any further. Though the steps were slightly different from when I first heard them, slightly more pronounced and a pinch clumsier, they were still unmistakable.
“Eeee!” An almost effeminate male shriek came from the tunnel. “He still hasn’t cleaned up those bodies?”
“You’ve seen plenty of dead guys.” A gruff female voice answered.
It was Major Celice and Sparks the elven wizard.
I groaned out loud. “This is just what I needed.” Though I was bored out of my skull, that didn’t mean I was eager to have any uninvited guests.
With each footstep sounding like a clap of thunder, I stomped over to the entrance to the tunnel.
“Oh look. He knows we’re here.” Sparks said.
Ahead, the tunnel curved into a corner which they hadn’t crossed just yet. Though they didn’t have to round the corner in order to see the glow. I opened my mouth and exposed my gaping maw. The glow of the fire inside illuminated entire wall of the tunnel.
“Oh shit.” Celice said.
I unleashed the flames into the corner, where they crashed into the wall and raced down the tunnel, straight at my visitors. I heard Sparks scurry for his stick of a staff before the flames hit.
“Marumous!”he shouted, the incantation for the barrier spell. A protective barrier formed around him and the soldier as my fire washed around them, leaving them unharmed.
I breathed in, igniting my furnace once more.
“Red, wait!” the Major cried out. “It’s us!”
“I know!” I roared, sending out another cascade of flame as Sparks surrounded himself and the verodu major in another protective shield.
That’s a little bit of what we have. Bear in mind this is a rough draft and there is a lot of room for improvement once this draft is finished. Regardless, I hope you all like this first sample of our in progress sequel and feel free to offer any thoughts you may have. Thanks for reading.