Preparing For Change

Big things are happening soon.

After three years of struggling to make it as a filmmaker in LA, I’ve come to realize this place makes me pretty miserable, not the struggle itself but the setting. A lot has happened in this tie. I’ve grown far more interested in the writing process itself as opposed to getting behind the camera and barking orders to actors and crew. Knowing this, I was hit with a realization.

I don’t have to be in Los Angeles to write.

So I’ve made the decision to pack my bags and go back to where it all began, to a little state in the midwest where my dreams of storytelling first took a definite shape, back to Ohio.

This choice fills me with a mixture of hope and fear. It’ll be good heading back to a place where I don’t have to worry so much about money and can focus on my writing more thoroughly, but at the same time I don’t want to stagnate and languish as I have out here.

Steps are being taken to prevent this. I’ve been in touch with some of the heads of my college and they’ve been putting me in touch with many of the film and writing oriented societies that have taken root around town since my departure, and I may have already landed my first piece of remote freelance work. Paying for rent won’t be a concern. Getting work that is worthwhile on the other had will undoubtedly prove challenging.

What I do expect is my writing to improve. The big city is a noisy place and it’s hard to concentrate. Ohio has some urban areas, but none so overwhelming as the cacophony of Southern California. For a writer seeking solitude, quiet, and a relief from some of life’s pressures, where I’m going is a dream.

Survival will not be a problem, and I doubt very much writing will be either.

I look forward to going back to this place. It does fit into the whole “This was your home all along” cliche that we see in so many bad stories. I suppose I don’t mind if my story is bad, just so long as there’s a happy ending, but then again, that’s all up to me.

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Starting Over Set Me Free

Putting away my book which Id been working on for three years was initially a very painful decision, and for the last few days I was greatly fearful that this story I so loved was now dead, and nothing would bring back the passion I once felt for it. However, soon after putting down my draft and moving away from it, a funny thing began to happen.

Fresh ideas.

Since putting down my draft and unshackling myself from all my previous plot-points, I’ve come to recognize my approach was fundamentally flawed from the start. My first scene, though thrilling and tense, resulted in the first of a series of contrivances that were to bring my heroes together, when in truth there was a much more simple and effective approach to do that.

My original take was my character is forced to take up the role of hero through blackmail. What I realized was my favorite heroes are forced into it by circumstance. Characters like Indiana Jones, John McClane and Ellen Ripley are not brought into insurmountable odds by any sort of planning. They often have those odds dumped on top of them unexpectedly. It is how they react to this sudden upheaval that they become heroic characters.

That I think is the approach that will best work for my protagonist, and may ultimately make their turn all the more unexpected, which was the original intention anyway.

This sudden flush of ideas has brought me nothing but relief. Though I ended up hating the book I wrote, I was still in love with the characters, the world, and the emotional core I was trying to evoke. Though I failed with that last draft, I knew there was a story worth telling in there somewhere. After only a few days, the mistakes are becoming more obvious, and that story is starting to take shape a little at a time.

My first draft was never going to be what I wanted, no matter how many times I hammered and chipped away at it. I initially thought the right amount of work could make it happen, and kicked myself every day I’d go another round on my manuscript and it still wouldn’t come to life. Now I see that there is no fixing a story that’s fundamentally flawed, except one. Throw it away and start over. It sounds terrible, but it may be the best creative decision I’ve ever made.

It will still be a while before I get back to it. Another book has taken priority, one for which I have a clearer vision. Still, it’s good to know that there is still life buried in there, enough for even the most meager ideas to struggle their way to my consciousness.

The last week was one plagued with self doubt. Though I’m still nervous about my eventual return to my planned fantasy epic, the doubt is not as strong anymore.

My manuscript depressed me with wasted potential. This new empty page excites me with endless possibilities.

Back to Writing

After putting away my book for a spell, I had to get back to writing. Already I’ve finally completed another project, this one a short story that I aim to submit to some magazines.

This short story was one I’d started writing last year, and always wanted to get back to. After getting caught up in writing the book however, it fell to the side and I forgot about it. I thought it best to try and tackle something a little shorter in order to get back in the swing of things, so I dug it up and got it finished.

It took three days to get these 2,600 words where I want them, but after going over it a few times, I think it’s ready to go. Now we’ll see if any of these magazines agree.

Wish me luck, and it feels good to be back in the saddle. I’ll post the short sometime in the next few days for anyone interested.

A Painful Decision

Three years ago I started this blog with the help of some very dear friends of mine, all with the goal of promoting a book I was writing, one that I was certain I’d be finished with by December of 2014.

If you listen, you can hear someone laughing.

A few months back, I said that book was finally finished, though that was only after making the same claim some five or six times since this blog was started. Perhaps the impact of that promised had been a little bit dulled. A lot has happened to me since then. I’ve learned how to write better, actually have a job as a critic for scripts, enjoyed a brief stint writing op-ed pieces on films I loved and loathed, and have several projects I’m just dying to jump into. I’ve also come to a very painful realization, one that has resulted in one of the most agonizing decisions I’ve made thus far.

I can’t write my book.

I don’t mean it will never be written. I’ve put too much time and passion into this world and its characters to ever let it die. But this has been a very saddening journey for me, working through multiple drafts and edits, and still being able to tell that some special magic was missing from my work. After that initial satisfying elation after an edit, it went back to the way it was before. It just wasn’t enough.

Eventually what I realized was the writing style wasn’t the problem, but the draft itself. My draft has many fundamental narrative flaws in it, from an annoying comic relief to an endless series of contrivances, and a needlessly convoluted series of events that bring my characters together. I’ve read enough scripts and written enough reviews to recognize these problems with my own work. The feelings I had for the story remained just that. They were always feelings and never words.

I’d also put myself in quite a bind. The entire book is told from the lead character’s perspective, but the world was so big and the story so vast that I couldn’t tell the whole thing without thinking up some very silly reasons as to why my hero would be there, (or how he’d fit given he’s over 100 feet tall. Bound to one perspective, I never could explore the world, or how the other characters viewed my hero. My stubborn refusal to give up that perspective might have been this draft’s downfall.

How many times had I edited this draft? Not sure, but the number is probably high. Did it improve the draft? Sure. Some of the writing was a lot of fun, and exactly the thing I’d like to see in a book of this genre. However, those were just little bits that shined in a story that was otherwise pretty dull. No matter how much impromptu surgery I performed and no matter how many paragraphs I stapled on, it would never come to life because I was stapling those things onto a corpse.

Wow. This blog post already has much better writing than my book.

The draft has surely improved since I started it. It now has a beginning, a middle and an end, a clear goal for the good guys, and some nice character arcs amongst the cast. To say it hasn’t come a long way since 2012 would be false. But is it good enough? I don’t think so. So, as of this week, I’ve made the painful decision to put the book down.

Not forever. Just for now.

I’ll never be a perfect writer, but there’s still a lot for me to learn before I’m ready to tell the big fantasy epic I want to tell. It was like trying to drive a cruise ship without learning how to operate the paddle wheeler first. This story will be told, but there’s a lot more to learn before I’m ready. With a story this complicated with a world so intricate, I think it’s best that I take the time to hone my skills on other projects.

Fortunately there’s much to do. I’ve got a werewolf themed thriller that could benefit from some attention. I had the privilege of contacting my writing partner last night where we had a rather exciting meeting about the story, and it left me invigorated and hopeful. There are also plenty of short stories and other subjects that could be refurbished and sent out. I’m working on a short story right now that I aim to send out to some magazines.

Never Heroes will never be put down forever, but I will finally say this. I don’t know when it will get done. It could be next year, next decade, or it could be finished on my deathbed. Maybe I won’t finish it and will pass my materials onto a more capable person, but where’s the fun in that?

This choice was painful, but I also think it was right. Now was the right time to begin the story, but not the right time to end it. In time the ideas will come, a clearer picture will emerge, and the story I want to tell will finally take shape. Until then, all my favorite characters should take a well deserved rest. We’ve all earned it.

I’ll be back soon with updates on my current projects, including a brand new short story. Hope to see you all then. Take care.